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Proud of my Shadow

by HooBear

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1.
Lost in the sunset Lost with where I am Hiding from my sleep debt Feet in my sneakers, head in the sand Stagger through the dusk, getting home Trying to find just where I am Trying to come to know just who I am Melting in the south Alabama heat Underneath the south Alabama sun South Alabama sand beneath my feet Southern Alabama air burning my lungs Be weary of those folks with big teeth And those who careless with they guns Remember nobody's really seeking independence from their drugs What you want I got everything except for love Pick a direction You won't see nothing but some tall grass and some power lines Here no ones got no affection I'll laugh if you ask for mine I walk for miles beneath the power lines Only in my dreams will I be away Resume at point a when I awake Southern drawls narrate everything They can't understand what I say? We carry our whole lives in these drawers Everything and anything that'll get us paid This whole place is full of poison arrows flying my way I come to tears as I reach for the sun I've come to fear that I ain't the only one I'm sure there's voices to hear But a deaf soul don't hear nothing I ain't sure that I can Who I am never been in my hands No matter, that's all I has No substance, that's all I am It keeps me up in the middle of the night I ain't doing alright I ain't doing alright It keeps me up in the middle of the night I ain't doing alright I ain't doing alright You can't keep me from bleeding into your memories Pay no fees it will never be clean It is and was bound to be bound me, found but not free No matter what I have to leave I have to leave One two three
2.
I Bet 03:24
I bet he's tall, and he'd smile if he saw me I bet his clothes are clean pressed, and he'd really like to call me I bet he wakes up early, before the stars stop falling I bet he always has enough Mom says he send a check every month and it helps to pay the rent but it doesn't make up for all the stuff, the shit he's missed broke laws, called bluffs, cracked compact disks Dry tears, cold stares, little happiness I feel lukewarm I bet he wakes up hungry Goes to bed satisfied He's unfamiliar with the concept of stumbling Get's his point across with homicide I bet my mama lied about the color of his eyes His everyday is fine, by design He don't pull the blinds, he don't read the signs He goes where wants when he drives Cuz he don't walk, like a paraplegic his favorite song is the pledge of allegiance Trips to church are pretty infrequent He only goes cuz the mother of his kids is the sister of Jesus I bet he moves with the rhythm of the seasons I bet he's got reasons Listen what I say this tiredness don't pay Listen what I say this melancholy feeling don't pay Listen what I say this tiredness don't pay I bet he'd know me if he saw me In the rear view mirror I bet he thinks of me one or two time a year He floats between my ears one or two times every seven seconds Before my mind clears I don't think that there's a lesson Not one that I can hear The glass is half full But the water ain't clear I'm a tool that's dull I'm not the brightest lightbulb But I can count the years I bet when he's around no one has any tears I bet he could help me find a career I bet that he's a deadbeat.
3.
Warriors 02:49
4.
Mother's Day 05:31
Hey, almost called today But the dog ate my phone The phone came out alright But now the dog barks ringtones I took it to Boost Mobile And the guy's like "Damn, man, we don't fix those" "I got a guy who can get you a new one for free though" And why can't the world just forget you like Cee Lo, Mom? You're ingraned in my cerebelum You and the face I haven't seen in so long I hope you scream at night "where did I go wrong" Where did I go wrong? If I have kids will they be like you? Will they be headstrong? Will I Have kids at all? I don't know if you would be the best grandma. Mother's day Just another motherfucking day to me. Mother's day Just another motherfucking day to me. So se la vie, get the fuck away from me, you ain't got shit to say to me I got places but not much time And I'm always there when the bitch is in a grind
5.
I need 06:26
I need what I need You can call it greed If you like This Life that I lead ain't nothing but a fight This life leads me to maintain a high all the time Can't turn back once you pass my height I'd have to die to feel alright Decaying on my feet beneath the streetlights Ok, I been beat now leave me to die Running in place is more productive than the struggles I face everyday The thought of an exit through my veins grows more seductive everyday I feel reluctant about everything I think and say Everything I think and say Everything I think and say Give me company or give me sleep A full stomach or give me sleep Drugs and a gun or give me sleep Give me time or give me sleep Give me life or give me sleep Take my life or give me sleep It takes strength Takes your strength and makes you weak It takes faith Takes your faith and makes you weep I'm tired of my misuse I'm tired of the confusion I'm tired of my abuse I'm tired of what you're doing I'm tired of having nothing left to lose I'm tired of constantly moving I'm tired of my blues I'm tired of losing I'm tired of my torn up shoes with paint on them Tattered laces, faded Tread slicker than a used condom I'm tired of not finding what I'm looking for I'm tired There will be a time when everyone whose alive Will have maggots in their brains and worms in their eyes There will be a moment that cannot be stolen When there won't be a fucking soul to remember this moment I'm hanging on coattails They cutting keys and sipping codeine I'm hanging on coattails They smoking gasoline and cutting shit by three It was a bad idea from the moment I fell Playing with fire soaked in gasoline Been on the bottom, now I'm digging to hell If the truth be what I tell I got dropped off cuz I can't hold on If I could hold off for long enough I wouldn't be so off and on I'd rather be dead on than living off though I said I'd rather be dead on than living off Pile into the back of the Cadillac the Coup d'Ville Rolling piece of crap, halfway waxed, with some shiny wheels Peel out in the hooptie I ain't thinking I'm relaxed It's a deal that ain't no deal Do what I got to do to earn my keep and claim my kill Stay on my feet till I fill in the blanks Still to ill to thank my meal for showing up Reverence is irrelevant till I heal or get done growing up But the enemy was expecting us Firing shots when they see us rolling up I ain't even one of us Going to die at the hands of these fucks I see the driver bleed I know what I need I can pull it off if I believe Thank god rationality got the best of me Which ain't much I follow a survivors lead and leave Still hungry Still hungry I know the boy that shot at me I know the fool who was driving But I was empty The kid who was riding I didn't know him We were both just surviving Reverence is irrelevant There will be a time when everyone whose alive Will have maggots in their brains and worms in their eyes There will be a moment that cannot be stolen When there won't be a fucking soul to remember this moment Late night I'm fading fading away Bading my time Bading my time till I can find a higher day Hoping I find some sort of silence before I have to go away I became tired of my defiance in a time many years away Or at least that's what it feels like Late night To me the world is flat and empty 2d cracked and limping Not worth the drugs it takes to put it down I can't deal with civilized Can't stand to be scrutinized by civil eyes I'm literally doing nothing with my life If I saw me on the street I'd stick needles in my eyes I'm sad that I ain't sad enough I blame it on the drugs or the lack thereof What I've lost to the sickness What I take from you ain't your fucking business I'm constantly a witness to the disease Three o' clock in the morning Three o'clock in the street Not a soul to be seen Handprints in the concrete The things I've ficking seen You wouldn't beleive
6.
Two days since I slipped into the trek Twenty miles out folks already laughing at my dialect Jesus, it's my appearance I suspect that they reject Parents shouldn't let the kids hear this Unless they ready to confess fucking up their success And don't tell me that it's all for the... And don't tell me that it's all for the... What's that I see? Coasting, floating upon the horizon A Cutlass Supreme screams to a halt next to me Driver says "need a ride son?" So I squeeze into the back seat And one of three passengers passes me What know must be a tab of LSD And I'm free Relaxed, unburdened, I'm free Kick back so hard I feel my feet hurting Watch the upholstery turn from pink to green Sun setting at our backs Watch the rear view burning What's that I see? Hot and sweaty but we don't crank the AC Nobody asking "hey, what you want to be? What you going to be ain't never going to amount to me" What's that I see? I ain't got no place to be. What's that I see?
7.
8.
My clothes are wet The street is wet I been too damn damp for days My money spent My patience spent I can't survive but for a couple more days Tonight I will sleep in this laundromat Pray that my last quarter be enough I didn't, I won't, I can't think Life's a little less tough when you're running on instinct My subconscious is a bluff I am guided by fear I am weary I am tense until the sirens I hear fade And I know that I'm in the clear Offer officers my recompense I only use big words when that's the kind that I hear I'm only on this side of the fence Cuz I heard that your precinct's pretty nice this time of year I can't thank You enough for oppressing these communities Best way to keep criminals out of prison: Give them badges and immunity Just don't let them near me Two dozen whore's horror stories persuaded me to believe that they ain't got shit for me Sweating in the heat of the laundromat Knowing not a soul knows where I'm at Knowing not a soul cares where I am Hoping I can stop the bleeding from the hole in my thick skin Do I Regret leaving home? Why are my thoughts Encrypted? Maybe I'm just not good at it Maybe Atlanta's no greener than the lifestyles of the aristocratic Life on this side damn sure ain't that organic And if I wasn't told better I'd say that the green that we chase is monochromatic White and grey damn it Chasing whoever has it never confronted by our bad habits. Searching for a friend but I'd trade them for some cabbage My words are so slurred not even I can tell if it's a curse Satan got to be more articulate Nathan got to be less abrasive Less like fine particulate Y'all better let me live treat me less like a participant I been through your thick and thin Got caught up in it Left me washing dishes while the real world finished Came into town on official business Life's a lot easier when you got a witness My life feels long but lacks thickness Nostalgia comes to me vividly Is it the climate that brings to mind this imagery? I hope I make drugs sound scary Young children stay wary What's the point? Give up my soul for the money? Well that's a deal if you asked me. I'm in the hole with you you honey. But it ain't real if you asked me. Give up my soul for the money? Well that's a steal if you asked me. Come close to the end but I ain't there yet. Home is where I'm at Home is when I cut my path Looking back, it wasn't no sadness Wasn't no deal And if you asked me about it I'd say it was a steal And I'm feeling so alone.
9.
I feel I must be pretty boring to be around I feel I must be pretty crazy to have no friends wishing I get found I lost all my notebooks I had a feeling what I wrote down was holding me down anyway Feel's so strange not on be on my way I'm in the A town now I feel fine with my defeat I hope that's the way it sounds I feel fine with my defeat I hope that's the way it sounds It's the golden hour I can feel the power coursing through me I don't see grass I see flowers Stranger, pass me the doobie I can get to where I need to be Where I'm going I don't need to know what the destination means to me Bitch I am rolling in your vehicle Ride that bitch like it's stolen And yeah I'm motherfucking fickle You wouldn't shoot me if you knew the knowledge that I'm holding Don't tempt me to free your blood from your body Watch you bleed into the concrete The hour is golden All my debts and insecurities are forgotten for a moment The colors are vibrant like me The air is warm like me Street lights coming into their own My street life is gone cuz now I am grown And right now nothing got me thrown Nobody on this bus really want to talk to me I'm talking anyway I'm sure they think this shit is annoying But I'm on my way This the happiest I been in recent memory Nobody on this bus really want to talk to me I'm talking anyway I ain't really worth the fuss Soon as I reach the peak I want to walk to the sea I know this but I'm walking anyway I'm walking anyway I'm walking anyway All my debts and insecurities are forgotten for a moment All my debts and insecurities are forgotten for a moment All my debts and insecurities are forgotten for a moment The night falls in around me Keep my mind and my blade handy Discard the shards of my personality I got extra I feel like I'm finally getting back to who I used to be Satisfied Satisfied Satisfied Sleep on this park bench like I'm civilized I feel good to be alive I feel good at being alive I don't know why I don't care what the fuck I find I'm fine with me I'm fine with that I ain't got shit on my mind but it's still filthy I'm fine with me I'm fine with that A chapter comes to a close like Jerome cumming in her clothes that night And I'm faster when I fast I don't want a bite Your laugh tells me your a dog with no bark and no bite Self destruct and make the sky bright Self destruct and make the sky bright Self destruct and make the sky bright You can't hold me down You can't make me turn around Look at what I found finally found some finality Watch the world get down to the sound of your decaying memory Turn it up loud What's that playing out your phone? Turn it up loud What's that he say? They ran him out of house and home? Turn it up loud Turn it up loud Turn it up loud Turn it up loud Turn it up loud Turn it up loud Turn it up loud Turn it up loud Turn it up loud Turn it up loud

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"Proud of my Shadow" is HooBear's first release.

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released October 18, 2015

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HooBear Atlanta, Georgia

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